Playing Minecraft and listening to Hamilton like, “Why do you mine like you’re running out of time?”
Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter Four
So after Ana and Christian have sex, he calls her a wench and asks her to go get some food. This is E. L. James’ attempt at witty banter.
During their conversation, Christian says he will buy any company Ana decides to work at, he deposits $24,000 dollars into her bank account and says that he knows everything about her. Um…Christian Grey is creepy.
So then they have sex involving ice cream and Ana has the revelation that ice cream is cold. Literal quote from the book: “Oh…it’s cold.”
Good god. Also, Ana describes Christian’s sexual teasing with the ice cream as “his cool vanilla spell.” This girl needs help.
So Ana has a nightmare, they go back to sleep and when she wakes up, Christian is still asleep. So she touches his hair and stuff. Then she’s happy that he will never know about her “secret touching.”
Shit’s gettin’ weird. Anyway, Christian realizes that the girl Ana ran into in front of her work is one of his suicidal ex-subs and that’s worrisome because blah blah blah plot point WHO CARES EVERYONE READS THIS BOOK FOR THE SEX.
Yeah, the chapter ends with the two running in to Mrs. Robinson, Christian’s former seductress and long-time confidante…DUN DUN DUN!
Well that took an unexpected turn.
At first I was like:
But then I was like:
epil
Oh my goodness
(Source: youtube.com)
Fifty Shades Darker: Chapter Three
Ana goes to work and gets a drink with her co-workers and invites Christian to come along. Her boss hits on her until he arrives and then they have a “pissing contest.” This is basically how it goes down:
So Ana and Christian head back to her place and he tells her he bought the company she works for. Because that’s not creepy. And Ana calls him an “arse.”
I’m sorry, but if you’re going to set your book in America, you or your editor needs to realize that the majority of people don’t use terms like “arse” or “powder room” or “shall” in normal conversation, especially twenty-somethings living in Seattle.
Even Harry Potter is judging you for that.
So the chapter ends with them making dinner and then fucking. Finally. They don’t even eat the dinner they just start making it, but then get too horny, put the ingredients away and have sex. Ha.
50 Shades Darker Chapter Two
What a riveting chapter. Christian takes Ana to a restaurant to force her to eat and Ana has to keep reassuring him that she does eat in her life.
So the dinner ends up with them getting back together, surprise, surprise. And this time Christian is going to try a “Vanilla” relationship as he calls it. You know, letting someone touch you, hanging out for things other than flogging. And then he drops Ana off at home and gives her a gift. It’s an iPad with a playlist he created for her. Really.
The rest of the chapter is Ana listening to music. She describes Nelly Furtado’s voice as a silken scarf. Then she hugs a balloon.
That’s how the chapter ends. Not even kidding.
And just for the record, this is how I picture Ana’s “Inner Goddess”:
Chapter One
Blah blah blah Anna and Christian have been broken up for five whole days! OMG!
She’s crying worse than James Van der Beek every night.
But they go to her friend’s art show together….And then they are kissing and are right back where they started? 
I don’t even know.
Oh and Christian calls Anna’s Hispanic friend nothing other than “The boy” the entire time.
Great chapter. Really.
Attempting to Read 50 Shades Darker
I hated the first one, but I want to see how bad it gets…I’ve heard stories. I’m only a few pages in and it’s just been a long stream of Anna’s consciousness. And not the good kind like Mrs. Dallowaybut the bad kind, like the kind you EDIT OUT OF BOOKS.
The Queen just wants to see some sex, people.
Gary Oldman
Oh my god, look how young he is here. He looks like Billy Bush or something, I just want to pinch his cheeks. Siriusly.
Fun internet game: Search “[your name] the hedgehog”
Sonic The Hedgehog fanart and roleplaying is so weird and out of hand bizarre that there is pretty much a custom character for almost ever name. This is Ryan The Hedgehog apparently…
Reblog this with yours!
I’m pretty sure I drew this. And I need to go to bed.
Chase the Hedgehog, everyone
There are SEVERAL for Kirsten the Hedgehog, but this was obviously the best one.
Yo let’s keep this going, who’s got some good name hedgehogs? Here’s another Ryan The Hedgehog:
GPOY obvz
Google filled out hedgehog after i had put the H. Connor the Hedgehog:
Nailed it.
GOOD
okay…
I drew a lot of crappy sonics when I was a kid. Thank god there was no internet.
adam the hedgehog
i hate all of you
yep
got it right
Becky the hedgehog…she’s got…sass
feminist disney is so great
BEST EVER
i’m in love.
(Source: terriblesting)
